My wife and I dress in a way that gives our religion and level of observance away (I wear a kippa and my tzitzis are usually visible, my wife wears skirts and long-sleeve shirts and covers her hair). Because of this (so we postulate) many people who are Jewish but do not advertise it (or try their best to blend in with the goyish surroundings) go out of their way to let us know of their Jewish ancestry.
For example:
- The woman who lives in our courtyard. She passed us today (on Shabbat) wearing some very not-tzniut clothing. She commented on our beautiful baby and asked what is his name. “Moshe” we replied. So she said “eizeh shem tov. Oh, by the way, my husband is Israeli”.
- While our pediatrician was checking the baby in the hospital, we asked her “Do you see any reason why we couldn’t have the circumcision next Wednesday” to which she replied “I don’t think you will have any problems with having the bris on time”
- The nurse who gave my wife an ultra-sound. We were talking about how hot the upcoming weekend was suppossed to be. The nurse told my wife “If you go to shul make sure to drink lots of water.”
- This guy on his cell phone
- All of the other secular Israelis who wish me a Shabbat Shalom while I am walking to shul and they are standing outside of the Taco Restaurant
- The woman at my work who, when she found out we were going to be having a baby told me (out of the blue) “if you happen to need a mohel, we have a great guy for you to use
- Many more similar incidents that I do not remember right now
In all of these incidents, the people in question did not “look Jewish” or have “Jewish sounding names”. Yet in each case (this happens at least once a week to my wife and me) it seems like they went out of their way to let us know “hey, psst, I’m Jewish too”. Many of these people are Israelis who might not be greeting me so enthusiatically if we were in Israel, yet here in America they go out of their way to let me know who they really are (like the guy who pulled up next to me in downtown Boston last Sunday, and asked directions to a certain street. “Make the next left” I replied. Then he grinned and said “smoalah?”).
Does this happen to anyone else?
July 25th, 2005 at 14:30
Some of the incidents you describe sound more like an acknowledgement that the other person understands your concerns (having the brit milah on time, for example) or a general friendliness (most of my secular Israeli family would say “Shabbat shalom” to just about anyone beginning Friday morning through Saturday afternoon). Other do sound like people going out of their way to point out, “Hey! I’m Jewish TOO!” and both Julian and I have experienced stuff like that. Sometimes it’s easy to shrug off, or to appreciate it as the other person trying to assert hir Jewish identity.
At other times, though, it can be downright annoying. I have in mind mainly the unsolicited comments from complete strangers about completely random topics, or the stereotyping about food and customs. I’m chatting with a co-worker about having guests over for Shabbat, and another co-worker pipes up with, “OH, you must make terrific matzah ball soup!” (Er…no, my matzah balls are like brcks and I’m not a fan of the stuff either. Now, curried lentil-carrot soup, on the other hand…) We’re standing in line at Home Depot, and someone we’ve never met feels the need to ask us, “so do you eat at Rubin’s much?” I’m sorry, hi, it’s nice to meet you, too, but we’re trying to pick out paint and burgers are the farthest thing from our minds…
Of course, it’s worse when the comment is “I just loooove Zaftig’s.”