I live far from the community. The rare occasion in which I stay over shabbas in the community is a great time for socializing (which I do in the lobby)

Do not be a lawyer in your own community!

Alternatively (or additionally), maybe he is coming from a non-observant background, and even making it to shul at all is a higher madrega than he was at previously.

Perhaps these excursions are the only connection he and his family have to the Jewish community, and it is these very excursions which plant a seed in his children’s heads so that in fifteen years when they are in college they decide to go to Hillel (or some other Jewish function) one Friday night instead of a frat. party, and thus start on their own journey which ends up with them becoming observant and making Aliyah, etc. etc.

Or maybe it is something completely different. I don’t know — I do not walk in his shoes.

I think the important thing is, as you say, to judge favorably. If Akiva (Shabbos 127B, see e.g. http://torah.org/learning/parsha-insights/5760/kedoshim.html?print=1, in the middle of the page) could judge his employer favorably when he is directly and adversely affected by his behavior, kal v’chomer should we judge someone favorably when their behavior has no adverse impact on us.

Hatzlacha rabba with your Aliyah!

Jonathan

The question is what to do about it?

Can you give the person positive encouragement toward davening that might cause him to change his ways? Can you help to mentor him in that regard?

I remember the time early in our marriage when I was new to Orthodoxy and would have benefitted greatly from a mentor to encourage me in proper practices. I eventually developed these, but it took longer than if someone would have mentored me at that time.

I agree with Yaakov whole-heartedly. (but at least he’s watching his kids?)

My BIGGEST pet peeve is the kids who come to shul with abba, then run around hefker IN the women’s section while abba davens. I try to arrive for leining (with 2 small kids in tow) so they can hear (quietly! I have threatened -and made good!- to go home if they can’t keep quiet) and learn that shul is for davening, not running around. And then my 3YO sees 6 and 7 YO kids running around, talking in shul. DO you mind?! And yes, I am the mean mommy who shushes her kids (audibly) even if they have wandered off. Even if they are only answering Bubbie (who lives nearby)! (Too bad I can’t shush her directly. . . )

We say that today our shuls and houses of worship all have the status of “Mikdash Me’at” – in some way that carry over the holiness of the temple in Jerusalem. As such, there is certain decorum that is permitted and certain decorum that is not. Standing around and talking falls into the latter category.

I realize that standing in the lobby is not the same as standing in the actual room where prayer and kriyat haTorah is being done. If you are going to stand and talk, it is much better that they do it in the lobby. I am questioning what are people’s relgiious convictions if coming to shul means arriving an hour and a half late, putting on your tallit and standing around and talking. What kind of message does this send to children (and can we really blame them for treating the place like a jungle gym when there parents are doing the equivalent every week – just look out there after kedusha during Mussaf sometime!).

I thought I’d take a moment to note two interesting conversations I’ve participated in on other blogs. First, Yaakov of AliyahBlog asks: Why do they even bother coming to shul, if all they’re going to do is stand out in the lobby and shmooze? And in…

If it is important for them to show their children what shul is about, then they should do so. It is better to stay at home than to come to Shul for the sole purpose of staying in the lobby and talking.